How I would read “First Turn To Me” to My Mother
First turn to me after a shower, you come inside me as always
When he came over I was in the shower
of course he waited outside, as always
in the morning you ask me to be on top of you, then we take a nap, we’re late for school
In the morning we met for breakfast
he asked if i’d order for him so we wouldn’t be late for school
you arrive at night inspired and drunk, there is no reason for our clothes
neither of us drink, he inspires my
study. there’s no reason for worry, mom,
we take a bath and lie down facing each other, then later we turn over, finally you come
he’s clean. we understand each other,
give it over, mom, he’s not going to come
we face each other and talk about childhood as soon as I touch your penis I wind up coming
visit, much as he likes hearing about my childhood,
and shares much of himself with me as well.
you stop by in the morning to say hello we sit on the bed indian fashion not touching
he likes to stop by in the morning, say high.
but of course, i keep the house rules, no touching.
in the middle of the night you come home from a nightclub, we don’t get past the bureau
its the middle of the night mom, i’ve just come
from the library, stop it, stop, i mean, mom, not
next day it’s the table, and after that the chair because I want so much to sit you down & suck your cock
you, damn it, mom, do you always have to—
well, the furniture moved last night when we were
you ask we to hold your wrists, but then when I touch your neck with both my hands you come
talking, he holds my hands and my knees are
weak and wet as hell. my back hurts.
it’s early morning and you decide to very quietly come on my knee because of the children
shh mom its seven am, why are you calling,
im busy i mean im sleeping. well i was
you’ve been away at school for centuries, your girlfriend has left you, you come four times before morning
we broke up, mom, of course i haven’t seen him,
i just didn’t sleep well last night.
you tell me you masturbated in the hotel before you came by I don’t believe it, I serve the lentil soup naked
i think he’s going to drop by tonight, so i can’t
come home for dinner mom. we’re going to make some.
I massage your feet to seduce you, you are reluctant, my feet wind up at your neck and ankles
love, mom, well i’ll find it. I know how to get what I want,
mom, you know this.
you try not to come too quickly also, you dont want to have a baby
he just makes me happy. mother, please,
i’m not going to get married and have children.
I stand up from the bath, you say turn around and kiss the backs of my legs and my ass
Hi Dad. oh nothing, just took a bath. yes, i know
to watch my back. im glad you remember what its like to be in college.
you suck my cunt for a thousand years, you are weary at last I remember my father’s anger and I come
He’s into endurance. Yeah, like the cross-country team
but different. you know that was your thing, not mine.
you have no patience and come right away I get revenge and won’t let you sleep all night
last night we had a fight. funny thing is it was
actually kind of fun. no i’m not a sadist, mom. jeez.
we make out for so long we can’t remember how we wound up hitting our heads against the wall
well i let him kiss me good-night yesterday. i think
he was pretty excited about it.
I lie on my stomach, you put one hand under me and one hand over me and that way can love me
I didn’t feel well today so he came
over and took care of me, carefully
you appear without notice and with flowers I fall for it and we become missionaries
and the other day he brought me flowers.
its sweet, how much he wants to tell people about Jesus.
you say you can only fuck me up the ass when you are drunk so we try it sober in a room at the farm
He said that he couldn’t get over his funk
so we took a trip out to his grandmother’s farm
we lie together one night, exhausted couplets and don’t make love. does this mean we’ve had enough?
It’s finals. I’ve hardly seen him, mom, why
do you care so much. I don’t know if i’m in love,
watching t.v. we wonder if each other wants to interrupt the plot; later I beg you to read to me
we’ve started watching tv together. I mean,
of course we’ve always done that. He’s
like the Chinese we count 81 thrusts then 9 more out loud till we both come
taking chinese so I’m helping him learn
how to count. No, mom, I don’t remember any of the numbers.
I come three times before you do and then it seems you’re mad and never will
Mom, I think you know, don’t you
that he’s mad and neither of us will
it’s only fair for a woman to come more
think of all the times they didn’t care
survive being young. Were you a woman once,
Mother, do you know its there?
